12 March 2015

Night I Lost My Sanity

another night without sleep
another morning I greet with trepidation
I can feel the shades closing in
they're just outside of my peripheral vision
it's not my soul they want
mines already charcoal
but the body
the mind
for me it's a constant fight
stay awake, go to sleep
I feel like a zombie
coffee pushed through an IV
what can I say
I'm afraid to go to sleep at night
that somehow I might miss something
in the meantime my body hates me
my eyes distort what I see
apatite escapes me
muscles atrophy
I feel icky
more like a nervous wreck
wound up a bit too tight
quick to bite off a head
then be real nice
a thought perplexes
did you take your meds
was that today, yesterday, tonight, now
dammit, I did it again
I took them at one point but I couldn't say when
as I start hating the feeling of my skin
give me a razor to rip it off
I'm pretty safe if I don't move from this spot
but nature calls
while in disposed
I check the mirror to remember who I am
my memory is shoddy at best
I can't remember when the last day began
but I remembered how to courtship Death
seems the two of us are friends
several times I shook his hand
guaranteed he'd be there in the end
what more can one ask for
some physical company
the feel of a body
a touch
a slap
the back of a hand
the twist of rope
a drag of smoke
some flogging
my insides are creaming
I'm on the edge of screaming
and pulling out my hair
I'm awake and dreaming
I think I'm going crazy
at least it feels that way
desperately need sleep
too late for that
I see dawn caressing the eastern horizon
her smile illuminates
each passing moment getting brighter
good thing light keeps the shades at bay
funny how all this worked out
me greeting the day as she wakes up
at some point I'll crash
when, I haven't a clue
but I will there's no doubt

Copyright©2015 by Patrick B Vince

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